Get out the kitchens, ladies!

In the chapter, “A Weblog Saved My Life Last Night”, Ayelet Waldman talks about the night she posted that she was considering suicide, and was immediately “rescued” by her husband and bloggers that read it. She goes on to describe the pain that plagued her, and how the consoling of her readers helped”

“You feel as if you should be incredibly happy yet you’re not. There’s this incredible alienation, incredible low-grade depression, and isolation… There are women with whom to bond for an hour a day when your kid is napping, to talk to about the sense of despair and loneliness”

(Kline and Burstein 314)

Waldman’s confession about her struggles is useful because it sheds insight on the difficult problem of gender roles that still plague our society. Women are programmed almost from birth that their ultimate goal and only real purpose on this planet is to reproduce. And that they should welcome this constraining role with complete joy, and go into a state of mindless bliss, for they were not “meant” to feel fulfillment in any other way.

Well, that’s garbage.

I’m not saying that raising a child will only lead to misery however, limiting someone’s options is damaging to the mind and body. Humans are social creatures, and seek out knowledge and experience, through interactions. As joyous as having a child could be, mothers are still cut-off from any kind of stimulation, and are trapped in their heads. And from my experience and observations, “in your own head” is a pretty bad place to be.

I’m excited that blogs like these are out there. Blogs themselves cannot “make or break” this society. It’s merely a tool, and like all tools, it all depends on how you utilize it. Blogs pertaining to topics such as infertility are an example of using this new tool in a positive manner. It’s not just about pouring your heart, but making honesty, human connections, with people who are going through a similar heart-ache. It’s one thing to receive love and support from people in your immediate vicinity, but the value of kind words from someone who is in almost identical emotional turmoil is ten-fold.

In my own experience, I’ve known many couples who came close to, or did, separate due to difficulties in having a child. The most powerful statement someone made to me was: “You’re in so much pain. You can’t even imagine that [your partner] could possibly be hurting as much as you”.

Blogs now make it possible for people to reach each other, and let them know that someone is hurting as much as you. They bond through pain, and isn’t pain the only real universal thing among people?